I Hate Morning

   I hate morning.  Well, let me clear that up- I hate morning when I have to get up and there are others in the house I have to cater to.  Waking up alone, with just the dogs and birds, when I have no place I need to go is wonderful. Other than that waking up is just the preamble to what I have to do for everyone else.

This morning was a real treat because not only did I get to wake up in the middle of the night to an invasion of the dogs into our upstairs sanctuary (read:  no dogs allowed), I got to hear complaints about the water temperature not being what it ought to be and about socks not getting washed.

   I was also accused of being passive-aggressive (again) because I wash only my clothes and not his (I wash both and he knows it) and that I never argue back (I don’t).  I can’t win when I do so what’s the point? It’s wasted breath as far as I’m concerned.  I could use that breath elsewhere.  Plus, I don’t know how long it’ll take him to get it through his head, I wasn’t raised that way and I’m not going to change.  Just because he was brought up in a house of arguers doesn’t mean that’s the right way to do things.

   It was a great morning.

   And now I want to text him to see how his day is going but I feel like if I do I’m caving and he needs to make his words up to me, which he did try to do, but way too soon for me to feel forgiving.  Sometimes I hate myself for the little game of sabotage I play on my relationships.  It is a covert operation and it’s only going to end up with me being alone and him feeling like something awful.

   So I will text him and check in, and we will go to class in the evening together, and I will have the next several days off to catch up on sleep and chores.  If all goes well we won’t have this argument again for a couple months.  If all goes well is the key…

The Tired Day

   I’m exhausted already and I haven’t even done anything yet today.  That’s the problem, I’m bored.  I always tell the kids that to be bored you must be boring so I throw that on myself too, but I’m at work!  I could find tons of things to do at home.  For instance, I need to continue cleaning the guest room and getting things ready for the yard sale.  The kids clothes and toys should be inspected for resale value and use.  Invitations need to be made for the barbeque that is scheduled for a month from now.  Bills need checks and stamps.  All of these things need to be done as well as exercising, baking (and decorating) a birthday cake, weeding the garden, scrapbooking, well, you get the picture.  I need a vacation but I really don’t have the time.  If I play my cards right and start saving my vacation time I will eventually be able to take a day off here or there to make these slow days bearable.

   So here I sit, writing to you about my humdrum daytime existence.  The only problem?  By the time I get home, after trying to find something to do all day, or trying to at least look busy, is that I’m too tired to do any of what I just wrote about.  I’m lucky if I get a meal on the table and the dishes washed.  And the exercising just got worse too because my treadmill is broken.  I need to run as it seems to be the only way I can actually stay in shape. I hate running.  Especially outside.

   Sooooooo, at the end of the day, I have to say I woke up some and got some work done.  It wasn’t a full day, and I did not feel like I accomplished something, but it was an honest day, and that’s all you can ask for.  Did that make sense?  Some of you may say yes, some may say no.  It’s not like anyone is reading this blog anyway.  I could be writing about corruption and takeovers and security leaks and no one would know I existed.  Someday you will.  When I write a really good novel that a lot of people like and then it turns into a move, then you’ll know me.  I can’t wait for that day.  I’ve really got to get my butt in gear if that day is ever going to come.

   Good day my non-existent readers.  I say, good day to you.

J