Wednesday, October 9, 2013
A Tissue For My Issue?
Last night I went to bed angry and slept fairly soundly. Actually, I slept better than I normally do when all is right with the world. Why would I go to bed angry? There is a good answer for that and here it is. I had a friend. I had a very good friend. When I stopped working with her we would talk and visit once in a while. When I worked closer to her I would stop down on my lunch hour maybe once a week, or two. She never came up to visit me although her time was more flexible than mine, but that didn’t matter. At one point she just stopped talking to me. I went in to visit and she was curt and uncommunicative. I still have no idea what I did, but for the longest time she ran from me. Stayed in her car when I pulled into the parking lot after her or turned her head if she drove by me as I walked to the office. Just last week she and her husband ran a stop sign at the end of the one-way street because had they stopped our cars would have been next to each other. She un-friended me on Facebook. At first I thought she deleted her account but when I looked she was still friends with everyone else. I got the picture and although it hurt at first I chalked it up to live and learn, one cannot hold another as a friend if that other person doesn’t want to be.
I left work last night only to be followed by her and with her was a mutual friend. I looked in the rearview and saw them while I sat at the light. The only thing I thought was that wasn’t it nice that they were still so close. Yes, a little sarcastically, but what else can I do? I knew they were still paling around. Whatever. They stay a good ways behind me and we take the same route. When I get to my village I pull over at the post office and she does too. I think to myself that this will be interesting, but I put on my sunglasses and walk at a normal pace into the post office. I get my mail and walk out. I don’t look at her car. To me she is invisible, and worse, a stranger. I don’t know her anymore. I get in my car and start it up. She pulls out from behind me and honks. Both of them wave. It takes everything I have not to give her the finger but the woman in her car with her is a friend of my mother’s, and someone I used to scrapbook with and I respect her more than that.
I get home and I post on Facebook something along the lines of “Don’t expect me to wave and honk. We’re not friends”. I get a bunch of likes and I don’t use names. When I pick up my boyfriend later I tell him what happened. He asks me if I spoke to her and I told him no, that she never rolled down her window, didn’t yell from her car, didn’t get out or make any effort. He was glad I ignored her. He didn’t think she needed to be acknowledged since she hadn’t done the same for me the last year and a half.
Later he gets on Facebook. He sees my post and he gets all “Why did you post that?” attitude. I walked away.
Later he asks me if I’m mad at him. I tell him no and go to bed mad.
This morning after I’ve had some time to think I ask him what his problem was with the post I put on my wall. He told me that I shouldn’t put anything on there that I wouldn’t say to her face and since I wouldn’t it shouldn’t have gone up. He said that I’m not that time of person, implying that that person is an idiot. I told him that it isn’t often that I put things like that up but I do and I AM that sort of person. And now I’m really angry.
I could roll ten different things I’m mad at him about into this and make him into a complete jerk, but he’s not. But after ten years I have to wonder if he knows who I really am. I basically have the attitude “live and let live”. Whoever you are is who you are and maybe I like you or I don’t but it’s your life, not mine. I do this with him all the time because he is definitely a lot different than me. He, however, is very judgmental and I feel it a lot even when it’s not aimed at me. I basically start an argument with him before I can stop, challenging his views. I am trying to stop that because I know I can’t win and it just causes hard feelings. If I walk away I’ll forget about it.
After all this, what really bothers me is that he thinks I should be a better person, when I’m trying to be the best person I can be already. I’m tired. I would like to tell everyone to go jump off a cliff. I would like things to go my way. I don’t. They don’t. And sometimes I vent about it. Here it is.