Life is Like A Box of Chocolates

   “Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get”, said Forrest Gump’s mama.  She’s right, you don’t.  I worry about a lot of things, but in the end what is going to happen is going to happen.  Yesterday, all afternoon I was harassed by my daughter who wanted me to pick her up and drive her to the store.  In all fairness, if she didn’t live as far away as she does now, and if I hadn’t been so tired, I probably would’ve done it. 

   Now, I’ve been telling people lately that things are getting better. She’s learning the boundaries that I’ve set for her and is abiding by them.  Never in my working life except when she was a young child has she called me less at work.  Then – BANG!  She called me yesterday at least ten times at my office and probably the same on my cell phone.  It’s not like the phone rings constantly here, so the phone ringing as much as it did was noticeable.  I answer the phone so I was ok on that end, but I was just so disappointed and angry that she would do this.  I was hurt that she would think nothing of putting my job in jeopardy for her wants, and it was a want, not a need, no matter how much she phrased things that way.

   I wish I felt good about doing nice things for my daughter.  I wish I could enjoy spending time with her.  I wish I had spent more time disciplining her and not making it up to her that I had left her father and pushed her into a single parent household.  The main reason I did that was because I didn’t want her to see women as something to be pushed around and used, possibly as a punching bag or a money machine.  I left him before she was two.  She’s with someone just like that now.

   I wish I knew her hopes and dreams, and maybe someday when she’s not asking me for something, when we are content to be with each other, when her husband allows her to be alone with me, I can ask her and find out what’s on her mind.  As it is now they latch on to everything they get and see what they can trade it for – for him.  It’s not a happy life for her.  Certainly not the one I envisioned for her when I held her in my arms for the first time.  All of my hopes and dreams for her have shattered and I can only pray that things will get better for her.

   Her path, the one she’s chosen, is the one that hurts her the most.  If she walked the straight and narrow and did things the way she was supposed to she would get to a life she could enjoy without handouts and begging.  At least I think she would.  I just wish she’d try, and I wish he would let her.  ‘Cause she’ll never know, just like that box of chocolates.  I just wish she’d grab one and try it…

 

 

 

Choices

   “Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get”, said Forrest Gump’s mama.  She’s right, you don’t.  I worry about a lot of things, but in the end what is going to happen is going to happen.  Yesterday, all afternoon I was harassed by my daughter who wanted me to pick her up and drive her to the store.  In all fairness, if she didn’t live as far away as she does now, and if I hadn’t been so tired, I probably would’ve done it. 

   Now, I’ve been telling people lately that things are getting better. She’s learning the boundaries that I’ve set for her and is abiding by them.  Never in my working life except when she was a young child has she called me less at work.  Then – BANG!  She called me yesterday at least ten times at my office and probably the same on my cell phone.  It’s not like the phone rings constantly here, so the phone ringing as much as it did was noticeable.  I answer the phone so I was ok on that end, but I was just so disappointed and angry that she would do this.  I was hurt that she would think nothing of putting my job in jeopardy for her wants, and it was a want, not a need, no matter how much she phrased things that way.

   I wish I felt good about doing nice things for my daughter.  I wish I could enjoy spending time with her.  I wish I had spent more time disciplining her and not making it up to her that I had left her father and pushed her into a single parent household.  The main reason I did that was because I didn’t want her to see women as something to be pushed around and used, possibly as a punching bag or a money machine.  I left him before she was two.  She’s with someone just like that now.

   I wish I knew her hopes and dreams, and maybe someday when she’s not asking me for something, when we are content to be with each other, when her husband allows her to be alone with me, I can ask her and find out what’s on her mind.  As it is now they latch on to everything they get and see what they can trade it for – for him.  It’s not a happy life for her.  Certainly not the one I envisioned for her when I held her in my arms for the first time.  All of my hopes and dreams for her have shattered and I can only pray that things will get better for her.

   Her path, the one she’s chosen, is the one that hurts her the most.  If she walked the straight and narrow and did things the way she was supposed to she would get to a life she could enjoy without handouts and begging.  At least I think she would.  I just wish she’d try, and I wish he would let her.  ‘Cause she’ll never know, just like that box of chocolates.  I just wish she’d grab one and try it…

 

I've Got Little Levon On My Mind

   What is wrong with this picture?  Dad goes out with baby, brings baby home, leaves baby on front porch to unlock the back door, baby goes missing for two weeks before his disappearance is reported.  Poor Levon Wameling.  This poor child.  I hope that he's alive and that he's with someone who is loving him and treating him like he is worth something because apparently his dad thought of him like he was a stray cat or something.  I can just picture him saying "Oh shit, where did that kid get off to?"  No, it's not funny, it's pathetic. 

   Where was this child’s extended family?  I know I don’t see my grandchildren every day, but after three or four days, if they haven’t called, I’m calling them.  I expect to at least hear their voice in the background if not talking directly to me.  Also, if they disappeared off my porch I would immediately start yelling for them, not sitting on that information for two weeks.  Yes, we all long for a little peace and quiet, but not like this.

   Yes, the father is a person of interest.  He definitely should be.  I have to wonder if there were any agencies involved with this child.  Did the Department of Social Services have an interest in him, and if so, did they check up on him?  I know they have many cases that are sometimes overwhelming, but these children need to be checked on.  I believe Levon’s mother was in rehab at the time and awareness of his disappearance came about when she got out.  How tragic for her, to take the first step to regaining her life and have her child ripped from it.

   I cannot imagine losing my child, no matter what age, and not being frantic and crazy to find him.  I have to wonder what the world is coming to when children are treated as possessions, not people, and God, why are some allowed to conceive when they are so incapable of taking care of themselves, let alone another human being?  You have to take a test to drive a car, you have to get a license to get married, but anyone, ANYONE, can have a baby!  And they are.  And there are people out there that try for years and years, and pay their life savings for fertility drugs or surrogates, or adoption fees, who might never have that baby.  These people are probably good people who for some reason or another just cannot conceive.  Yet, that high school dropout that smokes dope and takes pills can get knocked up by the guy that beats her and calls her filthy names in front of their children can have and keep the child they conceive because there’s food on the table and the house is neat.

   There should be a test.  An unrelated expert on parenting and children should come into the house and observe conditions before birth.  Maybe install hidden cameras.  That way people might forget about acting, and start being real.  Then, if they’re not mature enough or responsible enough to raise a child then it would be taken and given to parents who would raise it and love it and not treat it like a tax deduction or a meal ticket.  I know it’s extreme but so is the fact that children are being hurt and killed by the very people who are supposed to love and protect them. 

   It makes me so angry when I hear about a parent who has killed their kids.  And it breaks my heart and brings me to tears.  I think about that baby, that child, who never got a chance.  And people will say that it was God’s will, that she was born for a reason and she must have done what she was supposed to do, etc, etc., but I know this is because no one can make sense of something like killing a kid, and no one should because it shouldn’t make sense.  Ever. 

   So I am praying for Levon, and I’m praying for his mother and hoping that if this ends up badly that she will continue her recovery with him in mind, because if he were here he would deserve a mother who cared more for him than drugs.  I pray they find him alive, safe and sound.  I pray that this doesn’t tear his family apart but brings them closer, and I pray that this case gets resolved and closed, and that someone pays.

   I hope you get to go home Levon.  You’re in a lot of hearts right now, and we’re all praying that you are ok.