PAD Day 30 - Bury the _____

Bury the Past

I wish I could walk away and not look back,

this life you lead is totally whack. 
Get your life together, so we can be friends,

if it stays like this,

well, it has to end.

PAD Day 29 - Nobody Knows

Thought to Action

When he died I thought “Oh shit”,

I did it. 

All those years, I had been saying I hoped he would die,

life would be so much easier. 

I wondered if I could make it happen, like I did when I was 17, and just kidding around,

spoke those words several times, “I hope you die a violent death”. 

Just kidding at the time, never meant it, I loved them both. 

Then at the beginning of summer they were gone, dead in a tragic car accident

– or was it? 

An accident, I mean. 

Did I cause that? 

And then he died, nearly twenty years later, my mantra echoing in my ears

– life would be so much easier if he would just die. 

It is my secret power,

to wish someone dead,

and for it to come true.

PAD Day 28 - Matter

Gray Matter

A lump of gray that

works grandly for some and not

so great for others.

PAD Day 27 - Looking Back

Hindsight

If hindsight were 20/20 and I had to do it all over again:

Spankings would be mandatory, as the hugs and I love you’s were;

there would be no TV or internet;

walks would be great fun, more than they were;

laughing at ourselves would be easier and done more often;

respect would be demanded and talking back not tolerated;

reading out loud and often to each other would be enjoyable and begged for.

I would give you choices, not letting you choose just anything;

your genetics would not be allowed as an excuse for your actions;

boys would not be allowed until there was a healthy respect for yourself.

If hindsight were 20/20, I would not have to visit you in jail;

watch you throw your “self” away to become what someone else wants you to be;

see you not finish school;

watch you grow older than your twenty-five years.

I would not hate myself for who you have become.

PAD Day 26 - Shakespeare Words

Ode to Your Eyeball

Your eyeball makes me self-conscious –

As it strays to the left or right I completely ignore

your other eye, not sure where I ever made eye contact with others

when their eyes were not

wandering to and fro.

Please don’t think I am distracted – I am very interested in

what you have to say,

just please hold that eyeball still!

PAD Day 25 - Across The Sea

The Sea

Looking across the sea I feel like I can finally breathe.  The salt air

and timeless scene relaxes my mind and brings me back to me

and who I was before and even before that. 

I am centered and in balance with the universe, and

I realize that I am okay, if only for this moment.

PAD Day 24 - Moment

The Moment

June 27, 1987 at 4:08 am

I woke up and at that moment,

before I knew it, I lost

our next day,

our next kiss,

our next argument,

our next make-up,

our next glance.

We lost our future,

our dreams,

our white picket fence.

At that moment, I lost everything

…with you.

 

PAD Day 23 - History

The Witch’s Spell

 

You would think that a witch, a true witch,

would have been able to save herself.

“Witch Finders” should not have had such power,

no man should. Nor should little girls.

The fact that it was about land, really, and not spirituality made me want to scream.

I don’t know why this made it worse for me.

Maybe because you can’t touch anyone’s spirit,

you can’t change it,

but you can touch and change land.

And it was all about men too, because they wanted it all.

For a group of people who wanted freedom from persecution they really did a turnabout.

Who am I to disparage them?

Today’s society scorns each other as if it were sport.

Doesn’t matter what color, religion, sexual orientation – whatever,

we all get up in each other’s faces,

or better yet each other’s social media – for what?

It’s not for land.

I don’t think it’s for anyone’s spirituality either.

I think they must have been true witches after all,

and they have cursed their tormentor’s children for generations

and will continue to do so.

Their curse?

To let history repeat itself and for us

not to learn the lessons.

PAD Day 21 - What I Am

What I Am

 

As the youngest girl, and invisible middle child

I never thought I would be an ambassador.

Not for a country or an organization, although most certainly one of good will.

I am an ambassador for my family.

Funerals, weddings, reunions, birthdays,

it is I who show up.

When asked about the others

I paint a rosy picture of where they are

and what they are doing.

Everyone knows who I am, but in my position in the family

they never remember my name.

I was not the pretty one, the smart one, the athletic one, the adventurous one.

If they had noticed, I was the one with my

face buried in a book under a tree,

pretending I had run away and all

I needed to do all day was live in my head.

I was the one in the background at family events,

washing and drying dishes,

listening to family gossip

and where the girls went clubbing

and where they stole their make-up.

I knew when my sister started smoking

and when my brother got blithering drunk at a party

when he was supposed to be at a friend’s house.

I knew these things but they were safe with me.

As the quiet one I thought I would be safe from having to interact. 

Now that I’m older, I am the ambassador for my family. 

If someone is looking for information about someone they contact me.

Funny, if someone were to inquire about me,

they would be hard pressed to get an answer. 

I know my family, but

they don’t know me.

 

 

 

All Apologies

 

Just a note to let you know, if anyone was watching and wondering why it’s taken me so long to post something after posting nearly every day this past month, that I had to stop for a while.  There was a family emergency, and although I brought my computer with me I felt it was way more important to be with family than to hole myself away somewhere and write.  Believe me, I thought about it, and I checked the writing prompts at night, but I could not tear myself away from these people, and the tragedy that brought us together.

Sometimes prayers aren’t answered the way one wishes them to be.  This was one of those times.  I’ll write about it some other time, but I just wanted to let ya’ll know that I’m still here and that I did complete the PAD Challenge from Writer’s Digest.  I’m not going to post the rest of April in one day though.  I would like to pair some of it up with photos so it’ll be a little while. 

 

 

I hope you enjoy them.  I still say that poetry is NOT my strong suit.

PAD Day 22 - Nature

Dragonfly

 

To experience a dragonfly communicating with you is truly remarkable.

I believe that dragonflies are our loved ones

that have passed on. 

They are here to reassure us

that they are still here, watching over us.

When one lands on me I think it must be someone who truly loved me,

like my nana or my dad.

I always smile and stop what I’m doing

and wait for it to take off again.