PAD Day 30 - Bury the _____

Bury the Past

I wish I could walk away and not look back,

this life you lead is totally whack. 
Get your life together, so we can be friends,

if it stays like this,

well, it has to end.

PAD Day 29 - Nobody Knows

Thought to Action

When he died I thought “Oh shit”,

I did it. 

All those years, I had been saying I hoped he would die,

life would be so much easier. 

I wondered if I could make it happen, like I did when I was 17, and just kidding around,

spoke those words several times, “I hope you die a violent death”. 

Just kidding at the time, never meant it, I loved them both. 

Then at the beginning of summer they were gone, dead in a tragic car accident

– or was it? 

An accident, I mean. 

Did I cause that? 

And then he died, nearly twenty years later, my mantra echoing in my ears

– life would be so much easier if he would just die. 

It is my secret power,

to wish someone dead,

and for it to come true.

PAD Day 28 - Matter

Gray Matter

A lump of gray that

works grandly for some and not

so great for others.

PAD Day 27 - Looking Back

Hindsight

If hindsight were 20/20 and I had to do it all over again:

Spankings would be mandatory, as the hugs and I love you’s were;

there would be no TV or internet;

walks would be great fun, more than they were;

laughing at ourselves would be easier and done more often;

respect would be demanded and talking back not tolerated;

reading out loud and often to each other would be enjoyable and begged for.

I would give you choices, not letting you choose just anything;

your genetics would not be allowed as an excuse for your actions;

boys would not be allowed until there was a healthy respect for yourself.

If hindsight were 20/20, I would not have to visit you in jail;

watch you throw your “self” away to become what someone else wants you to be;

see you not finish school;

watch you grow older than your twenty-five years.

I would not hate myself for who you have become.

PAD Day 26 - Shakespeare Words

Ode to Your Eyeball

Your eyeball makes me self-conscious –

As it strays to the left or right I completely ignore

your other eye, not sure where I ever made eye contact with others

when their eyes were not

wandering to and fro.

Please don’t think I am distracted – I am very interested in

what you have to say,

just please hold that eyeball still!

PAD Day 25 - Across The Sea

The Sea

Looking across the sea I feel like I can finally breathe.  The salt air

and timeless scene relaxes my mind and brings me back to me

and who I was before and even before that. 

I am centered and in balance with the universe, and

I realize that I am okay, if only for this moment.

PAD Day 24 - Moment

The Moment

June 27, 1987 at 4:08 am

I woke up and at that moment,

before I knew it, I lost

our next day,

our next kiss,

our next argument,

our next make-up,

our next glance.

We lost our future,

our dreams,

our white picket fence.

At that moment, I lost everything

…with you.