PAD Day 20 - My (blank), the (blank)

My Friend, the Extreme

 

My best friend lived in the Port Authority in New York City for a short time

At least that’s what she said.

Every couple of days I get a new voice mail-

“I’m losing weight”

“I’ve been sick”

“Did I ever have a baby and give it up?”

“I think I have a brain tumor”

“Good news – no tumor, just a sinus infection”

And on and on and on…

I love her, she’s a good person, and I wish her well

but I think she’s got the corner on crazy.

Between hospital stays and pets at death’s door

I’ve had to stand back and detach a little.

I’ve told her that I hate being on the phone and that I will write to her.

And I do, once a month, to let her know what I’m up to.

And she can call and leave a message, because she’s not a writer.

But if I get on the phone with her

The silences, where I want to tell her she needs help,

that she’s a hypochondriac,

that her past is so messed up in her head, are hard to deal with.

I want so badly for her to end the call but I have to be the one.

Every.

Single .

Time.

I remain in touch with her after years of silence

Because I know she needs a friend, and I do too.

It’s just that sometimes, she’s just too much.

And most times, for her, I’m not enough.

PAD Day 19 - Authority

Yes, Miss Manners

 

I have no authority over my own self

I get angry, so angry I want to lash out,

to scream and hit and punch and kick

But, knowing that it is frowned upon, stops me

I smile, or at least keep my mouth shut.

It wouldn’t be right to make a scene, and

what does it help anyway?

Always be gracious and you will be treated kindly in return.

If not, just remember that those who treat others badly are

those that need your grace the most.

Yes, Miss Manners, although she was around before my generation, has taught me well.

She holds me in check.

 

 

Miracles - Please Pray for One

Miracles happen.  I know they do because I read about them, and I've seen one first hand, but tonight I'm asking you to pray.  Pray to God, Allah, whoever or whatever you pray to, for my sister's boyfriend.  His name is Jamie and he was in an accident just after Easter and has been in a sedated state almost the whole time since then.  Please, I beg you, please pray he wakes up and comes back to us.  At this point I can't go to my sister because of my job and I know I need to be there for her.  She is aching, I can feel it even though we are miles and miles apart.  Please, pass this along and say a prayer, just one small prayer, for him to come back to her.

PAD Day 18 - Two Vowels Only

The directions said we could use "text speak" so I took the liberty of changing one word so I could write this.

Cat Naps

 

My fat cats sat on mats on slats. 

A spat on a mat – oy!  Damn cats!

Royal, Troy, Cal, Sam and AJ –

mats r for naps not spats!

 

This is AJ.  She is actually laying on a mat, on a slatted bench!

 

PAD Day 16 - Science

Science Lessons

 

Earth Science –

phosphorus is bad for the bodies of water it gets dumped into

Biology –

fetus pig systems are more like human systems than you realize

and frogs are dropped in formaldehyde alive.

Chemistry –

not my strong point

 

I didn’t learn much in science class

I wasn’t really interested at the time

Passing notes, looking out the window,

Wondering if I was going to see my crush in the hall

Thinking about the dance

Writing stories in my notebook

Listening to rumors about the science teacher

and how he dated his students

and wouldn’t it be great to get an easy A.

If only he went for the plain girls!

 

I had to work for my C.

The hard way.

 

He got caught, years later.

We found out the rumor wasn’t a rumor after all.

Poetic justice?

Maybe, maybe not.

In more scientific terms

the Law of Cause and Effect

finally made sense.

 

 

 

 

PAD Day 17 - Swing

Between

 

Should I write about

what I imagine or what

I know to be true?

 

There are definite

blurred lines between both.  I can’t

achieve clarity.

 

Back and forth I go. 

Fact and fantasy mingle. 

My truth is not real.

 

PAD Day 14 - Honesty

Honesty

 

Your kid is annoying

You DO look fat in that

Yes, there is less hair up there

I really don’t like your cooking

You drive like a maniac

You are so much more than this!

 

 

What a precious child!

You look marvelous!

You haven’t changed one bit!

We’d love to do dinner, where would you like to meet?

You sit back and relax, I’ll drive

If you’re happy, I’m happy.

 

Honesty stands by itself in a corner

Lies have more friends.

PAD Day 13 - Confession

Confession

 

He sits in his little room

Listening to what you say are your sins

Rosary beads click while he murmurs

Asks you if you are sorry and you reply that yes, you are.

Except he remembers you

Two weeks ago, with the same sin

Sorry as ever.

He gave you penance to do

You walked out, cleansed and ready for the world

You didn’t do your penance.

You know it, he knows it.

You think you got one over on him.

On God.

You didn’t.

After you leave the closet

He looks up at the sacred heart and begs for forgiveness himself.

God help him, he loves to hear your sins and prays you won’t stop.

 

 

 

PAD Day 12 - Damage

Beautiful Damage

 

Too trusting, arms outstretched

I love you as I walk away

You made me yours before I knew you and it wasn’t fair

Circumstances shaped you

A mother who didn’t care

Looked for her next hook-up, her next fix

A father who was as cold as an ice box

And you, still trusting

Still loving

Opening your heart to me

Love and hope on your face

I couldn’t walk far

I turned around and you hugged me,

Damaged goods, but good enough for you.

 

 

PAD Day 11 - Seasonal Haiku

Spring

 

black capped chick-a-dee

              sings his mating call in the

spring. I whistle back.

 

daffodils leap forth

the earth is warming at last

there will be color.

 

the sound of raking

is a welcome break from

the scraping snow plow.

 

catalogs arrive

on time must choose seeds for this

summer’s menu now 

 

 

 

 

 

 

PAD Day 9 - Work

My Work

 

Work begins when I return home from my day job.

Chair sitter by day

Busy bee by night.

Feed the dogs,

Make dinner,

Wash dishes,

Start laundry,

Prep lunch for tomorrow,

Add to shopping list,

And depending on the season

I need to

Start seeds,

Replant seedlings,

Prep the gardens,

Finish planting the gardens,

Weed the gardens,

Water the gardens.

Pick vegetables,

Freeze vegetables,

Make jam,

Make tomato sauce and pesto.

I’m lucky.  I love my work.

My payment?

Sitting on my porch and surveying the fruits of my labors,

listening to the river nearby, and

the birds at my feeder.

 

 

 

PAD Day 10 - How---

How Now Brown Cow

 

I heard this as a kid

Not sure where it started
No clue of when.
Just there all my life.
HOW now BROWN cow?
When someone kept asking questions.
Usually me or my little brother
Questions that my folks got tired of listening to, or answering.
HOW now brown cow?
When I couldn’t think of anything to say but knew there was something else.
I just couldn’t remember.
And always, in my head
Was that chocolate brown cow.
She made chocolate milk.
She was the answer to stupid comments.
Like brown cows don’t make chocolate milk.
How NOW brown cow?
Please!
When someone yammers on and on-
HOW NOW brown cow.
Only it’s in my head, no point in saying that out loud.

 

PAD Day 7 - Love

Beagle Love

Liquid brown eyes stare

Up at me, glowing brightly
Surely this is love.

PAD Day 6 – Things-Are-Not-As-They-Appear

I feel it gently touch my neck and freeze.

I look side to side, only my eyes moving.
It brushes quickly towards my ear and I jump and screech and brush it away
Fearing the largest, ugliest insect ever!
At last I stop and catch my breath
Look at my hands
And realize
It was only my hair, brushing my neck in the warm breeze.

PAD Day 8 - Dare

I dare myself to try new things

     To act
     To write
     To exercise
     To say I love you
Most times it works and I
     Take a class
     Join a group
     Make new friends
But I always end up hurting you.
I love you.
It’s so easy to write, and it is true
But I feel as if my throat is closed off when I try to speak the words.
Once said, you will hold all the power
And I will lose me, who I am, my essence.
I need to dare myself to be who I am
Even as a part of you.

PAD Day 5 - Vegetable

Room 405

Dying scares me, this scares me more-

Laying in a hospital bed and you keeping score.

The days are marked upon the wall how long will she survive?

She’s still with us at thirteen days!  We’re glad that she’s alive!
At thirty days there is no sign, I have not moved yet.
You pray, you cry, you walk away, our schedule has been set.

You pray for miracles, I pray for death.  You move my arms and my legs,

A mirror shoved under my nose shows my every breath.
Prayers for my recovery have changed for my demise
You’re tired, I get it, but you just don’t realize
I hear you; I feel you, your touch, your breath, your scent
All of your visits you don’t know at all what they have meant!
If I could go, I would leave you now your waiting would finally end
But you hooked me up to this machine hoping I would mend!

It breathes for me, it feeds me too, I’m trapped inside this shell

I know you didn’t mean for this, imprisoned in this hell.
A year goes by and then year two, my vitals always stable
Your tears no longer fall for me, no mercy for this vegetable.

 

PAD Day 4 - Departure

I’m cold?  You bet.
Keep yelling.  Keep telling me you’re right.
C’mon!  Rub my nose in it!

Fool.

Think this bothers me?

I really couldn’t care less.  That person left the building long ago.  Kind of like how Elvis disappeared or those kids on milk cartons.
Gone away.  Ba-bye.
Hasta la vista baby.

Still going on and on? 

I see your lips moving blah, blah blah.
Do you not see the vacant look in my eyes?  I must not be trying hard enough.  I would if I cared.
But I don’t,
So I won’t.

Eh, nod my head, smile a little.

Yes,
you’re right.
No,
it won’t happen.
Again.

Thank you.  Thank you so much

for
enlightening me.

Yes, yes.  Pat me on the head.  Send me on my way.
Hope you feel much better about my sitch now.
As it is,
I’m outie.

PAD Day 3 - Machine

The Human Machine

Where

What
When
Why
How
Now
Can you
Will you
You have to
Do
Send
Buy
Find
Carry
Call
Earn
Make
Bake
Cook
Drive
Pick
Fix
Grab
Drop off
Hug
Love
Hold

PAD Day 2 - Secrets

My Love

 

You are my secret, known to precious few.

Your father, me, my best friend

The psychic who saw you with me.

He saw you grow, whereas I cannot.

So many questions in my mind about you-

Had you lived.

Had I not destroyed you before you were ripped from my womb.

I am still selfish, but I try to atone for you.

The boy, who sat below my heart for such a short perilous time,

Who gave me a brief moment of hope before I realized I had already ruined you.

I wish I had been more careful

I wish I had been more ready for you.

I have loved you every day, my son,

Even when I pretended you weren’t real.

I thought I would have another chance to hold you again

But time has slipped away, and you never returned.

My punishment for being a child, doing grown-up things.

My secret shame.

My secret love.

PAD - Day 1: Resistance

I have decided to participate in the 2015 Poem A Day Challenge for the month of April.  This should be interesting...

 

I wait.

Please move.

Don’t stand so close to the paper thin door.

Please.

Go to another room.

For the love of Pete, just go!

I won’t go.

I can’t.

Not ‘til you’re gone.

Leaving…

I bolt for the door and lock it shut behind me.

Quickly I turn the water on

And even quicker, I drop my drawers and take a seat.

Sweet Jesus, there’s nothing like peeing when you have to hold it.