PAD Day 6 – Things-Are-Not-As-They-Appear

I feel it gently touch my neck and freeze.

I look side to side, only my eyes moving.
It brushes quickly towards my ear and I jump and screech and brush it away
Fearing the largest, ugliest insect ever!
At last I stop and catch my breath
Look at my hands
And realize
It was only my hair, brushing my neck in the warm breeze.

PAD Day 8 - Dare

I dare myself to try new things

     To act
     To write
     To exercise
     To say I love you
Most times it works and I
     Take a class
     Join a group
     Make new friends
But I always end up hurting you.
I love you.
It’s so easy to write, and it is true
But I feel as if my throat is closed off when I try to speak the words.
Once said, you will hold all the power
And I will lose me, who I am, my essence.
I need to dare myself to be who I am
Even as a part of you.

PAD Day 5 - Vegetable

Room 405

Dying scares me, this scares me more-

Laying in a hospital bed and you keeping score.

The days are marked upon the wall how long will she survive?

She’s still with us at thirteen days!  We’re glad that she’s alive!
At thirty days there is no sign, I have not moved yet.
You pray, you cry, you walk away, our schedule has been set.

You pray for miracles, I pray for death.  You move my arms and my legs,

A mirror shoved under my nose shows my every breath.
Prayers for my recovery have changed for my demise
You’re tired, I get it, but you just don’t realize
I hear you; I feel you, your touch, your breath, your scent
All of your visits you don’t know at all what they have meant!
If I could go, I would leave you now your waiting would finally end
But you hooked me up to this machine hoping I would mend!

It breathes for me, it feeds me too, I’m trapped inside this shell

I know you didn’t mean for this, imprisoned in this hell.
A year goes by and then year two, my vitals always stable
Your tears no longer fall for me, no mercy for this vegetable.

 

PAD Day 4 - Departure

I’m cold?  You bet.
Keep yelling.  Keep telling me you’re right.
C’mon!  Rub my nose in it!

Fool.

Think this bothers me?

I really couldn’t care less.  That person left the building long ago.  Kind of like how Elvis disappeared or those kids on milk cartons.
Gone away.  Ba-bye.
Hasta la vista baby.

Still going on and on? 

I see your lips moving blah, blah blah.
Do you not see the vacant look in my eyes?  I must not be trying hard enough.  I would if I cared.
But I don’t,
So I won’t.

Eh, nod my head, smile a little.

Yes,
you’re right.
No,
it won’t happen.
Again.

Thank you.  Thank you so much

for
enlightening me.

Yes, yes.  Pat me on the head.  Send me on my way.
Hope you feel much better about my sitch now.
As it is,
I’m outie.

PAD Day 3 - Machine

The Human Machine

Where

What
When
Why
How
Now
Can you
Will you
You have to
Do
Send
Buy
Find
Carry
Call
Earn
Make
Bake
Cook
Drive
Pick
Fix
Grab
Drop off
Hug
Love
Hold

PAD Day 2 - Secrets

My Love

 

You are my secret, known to precious few.

Your father, me, my best friend

The psychic who saw you with me.

He saw you grow, whereas I cannot.

So many questions in my mind about you-

Had you lived.

Had I not destroyed you before you were ripped from my womb.

I am still selfish, but I try to atone for you.

The boy, who sat below my heart for such a short perilous time,

Who gave me a brief moment of hope before I realized I had already ruined you.

I wish I had been more careful

I wish I had been more ready for you.

I have loved you every day, my son,

Even when I pretended you weren’t real.

I thought I would have another chance to hold you again

But time has slipped away, and you never returned.

My punishment for being a child, doing grown-up things.

My secret shame.

My secret love.

PAD - Day 1: Resistance

I have decided to participate in the 2015 Poem A Day Challenge for the month of April.  This should be interesting...

 

I wait.

Please move.

Don’t stand so close to the paper thin door.

Please.

Go to another room.

For the love of Pete, just go!

I won’t go.

I can’t.

Not ‘til you’re gone.

Leaving…

I bolt for the door and lock it shut behind me.

Quickly I turn the water on

And even quicker, I drop my drawers and take a seat.

Sweet Jesus, there’s nothing like peeing when you have to hold it.